Try as you might, there will come a day when your little one will limp
off to the school bus or pick up her crutches in an effort to make it
into the school building. No longer under your watchful eyes and
ability to carefully select friends and playmates, your child will
need to learn to fend for her- or himself in the real world – in spite
of having a birth defect. While your child should be able to deal with
the less than desirable outcroppings in other children’s behavior due
to the insensitive nature of their questions about the visible birth
defect, there are some behaviors where parental guidance is crucial.

Although in general society would like to pretend that bullying in the
context of physical deformities and abnormalities does not happen
anymore, the sad reality is starkly different. Bullying is alive and
well, and in the harshly defined pecking order that begins in the
middle of elementary school and reaches critical mass during the
middle school years, nothing makes bullying more inviting than a
visible handicap.

When a visible birth defect invites bullying, you need to ensure that
your child is not only able to deal with the event, but also knows to
immediately speak to you about it. Here are some suggestions:
1.    Your child needs to understand what bullying consists of; a little
tease, a good natured joke, and even an insensitive remark do not
necessarily constitute an example of bullying. Instead, it will take
on physical forms such as hitting, pushing, intentionally tripping
your child, calling her or him names, scornfully imitating the
physical appearance of your child, such as by using an exaggerated
limp, and then threatening your child with physical harm if she or he
will tell anyone.
2.    Your child needs to understand that a bully is a person who may
have been mistreated by others and in turn is passing on this learned
behavior. While this does not excuse the other child’s behavior, it
will help your child to see past the threatening and intimidating
behavior of the bully and recognize another scared or scarred kid
underneath.
3.    While your child needs to learn to deal with bullying, you have to
get involved and speak to teachers, the principal, and the other
child’s parents. This is not a time to spare feelings or mince words.
Keeping your temper in check and the child with a friend or relative,
you will need to convey succinctly, briefly, and decisively that you
will not tolerate the bullying of your child to continue. I you meet
resistance and the old “kids will be kids” attitude, do not be afraid
to calmly state that unless immediate action is taken, you will
entertain the thought of legal action against the school district in
general, the school in particular, and also the principal and the
child’s parents. If nothing else, this will get results.
4.    Do not tell your child about this conversation but instead
role-play how to act when bullying happens. Show how to defuse a
situation by walking away, put a bully in her or his place verbally or
by ignoring the child, and practice how to put on a nonchalant
attitude when bullied.